Skins The Book-"What they did last summer"-Freddie,Cook and JJ
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E4 published some parts of the SKINS BOOK .. this first chapter we can read some of the adventures of freddie cook and JJ...enjoy
COOK
A bus stop
‘Fuck me.’ I took the spliff out of my mouth and gave it to Freddie. ‘Fucking weak as piss, that. Who give you that, man? It’s rancid.’
Freddie give me one of his little-boy-lost faces. Shrugged his skater-twat shoulders. ‘Dunno. Mate of Karen’s, I think.’ He checked my face, which was full-on fucking incredulous. ‘No, not Johnny White. I’m not fucking stupid.’ He chucked the spliff in the gutter.
‘Good to hear it, my friend!’ I slapped his arm, pulled my hand away and wrung it in the air. ‘You been fucking lifting forklift trucks, Fredster? Your biceps: hard as a fucking brick.’
JJ smiled, that serene smile. Don’t drink, don’t really smoke, our resident fucking looney tunes. What the fuck does he use to take the edge off? He pointed at the soggy spliff. ‘Are you keen to get hassled by those two upset-looking policemen coming towards us? Or are you both off your heads? Literally, or otherwise.’ He bent down, picked up the joint and threw it over his shoulder.
‘Little bastard,’ came this spindly old bag’s voice behind us. ‘Went straight in my shopping that did.’
Freds, JJ and I shrugged simultaneously. Fred and I smirked. Didn’t know her. Didn’t care.
‘No respect for anything these days, you lot,’ the hag went on. She poked JJ in the back. ‘You, young man. I know your mother . . . she collects my library books for me. Oh, I’ve seen you in her car. Don’t think I won’t tell her what you’ve been up to…’
‘I didn’t. I wasn’t—’ spluttered JJ, red as a fucking beetroot. Freds and I snorted with laughter. And I couldn’t help myself, I turned round.
‘Fancy a quick one?’ I said, running my tongue over my lips. ‘Bus won’t be here for ages.’
As the old crone opened and shut her wizened old trap, the three musketeers legged it all the way back to Fred’s place.
I had a proposition for him.
FREDDIE
The shed
‘Right Freds,’ said Cook, rubbing his hands together like a dirty old man. ‘I’ve got an offer you can’t refuse.’
Didn’t like the sound of that, not least because he was probably right. Cook has a way of getting what he wants.
‘You’re gonna love this one. A little game to pass the time, just you and me.’
‘What about JJ?’ I said.
‘Jay’s already in the loop, right, Jaykins?’ Cook leant forward in what he liked to call ‘his’ chair – it was in my shed but whatever – and pointed his fag at me.
‘You pulled last night, yeah?’
‘Yeah. So?’
‘It was good, yes?’
‘Yes, it was most enjoyable. Is this going anywhere?’
‘Right, so: four weeks, you and me, whoever gets the most pussy wins. There’s got to be deep penetration, man, and stuffing the same bird twice doesn’t count.’
‘Nice,’ I said sarcastically. But as Cook’s ideas go it wasn’t bad. It didn’t involve anything illegal, for a start. And for various reasons I was totally in the mood for oblivion of the sexual variety. Fuck it.
‘Yeah, all right then.’
‘Correct answer, my friend. GayJay’s keeping score, but we’re gonna have to steal some evidence to give him – sticky knickers, a jizzy condom…that sort of thing.’
‘That doesn’t sound sordid at all,’ I said dryly.
It didn’t really matter to me, though. Like I said, I’ve had it with the meaningful shit. I loved a girl. She fucked off and left me. I’m not falling into that trap again.
I still checked my phone every hour, though.
What was she doing now?
‘So.’ Cook stuck his hand out. ‘May the best man win.’
I narrowed my eyes at him. So, that’s your game is it? I thought. Well fuck it, then.
‘Absolutely,’ I said, ignoring his hand. ‘Game on.’
JJ
Kebab shop
Fuck off, fruitnut,’ said Cook. ‘This ain’t got nothing to do with Effy. So, are you going to keep score?’
It was 2am and Cook and I were at the counter of Abrakebabra. We’d been at the Caves, where Freds and Cook had both had sex (not with each other. Even Cook draws the line somewhere. And not literally in the club, which I believe is frowned upon: Cook had it down an alley and Freddie left to go back to a girl’s place). Pandora and Thomas and Naomi were there too, so it was a good night even if I did just dance on my own and try not to think about the fact that I was the only one without the option of post-club sex. I was sitting a song out drinking my fizzy water when Cook reappeared.
‘I thought you were having sex?’ I shouted.
‘Yeah. Finished. Listen Jay, I’ve got a plan. Let’s go.’
And he dragged me to the kebab shop and bought me a chips in pitta.
He explained the rules, which nearly all made sense. In an entirely morally dubious way, obviously.
There’s a reason why Cook came up with this game. I’m no fan of cod psychology and actually I’m rubbish at the empathy-slash-emotional-engagement side of things, but in this case even I could see it. Effy wanted Freddie the whole time she was with Cook: Cook lost that game. So he’s invented one he thinks he can win, which he probably will as sexual intercourse to Cook is like Earth’s yellow sun to Superman. Without it, he’s powerless, or he thinks he is. (Which is of course where the Superman analogy breaks down as, unless you count pre-1986 incarnations, he really is powerless without solar energy, whereas I’m almost certain the blood would continue to pump around Cook’s body even if he didn’t have regular exposure to girls’ naughty bits.)
I put my analysis to Cook. He wasn’t impressed. Hence the fruitnut comment.
‘OK, I’ll keep score,’ I said, finally. ‘But, just out of interest, why didn’t you ask me to take part in the game?’
Cook grinned in a childlike manner. ‘Because you’d lose, Jaykins.’
‘I believe it’s the taking part that counts,’ I said, frowning a little.
‘And so it is. Which is another area where you may fall short, my virginal friend.’
‘Get lost. I’m not a virgin.’
‘Might as well be, mate.’
A fair point with which I couldn’t argue.
All things considered, I was pleased Cook had come up with the game. It meant he and Freddie were friends again, that they’d be happy, and therefore that I’d be happy.
Relatively speaking, obviously.
Labels: Cook , freedie , Gossip , JJ , Kathryn Prescott , Skins , skins book
